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[ 56] joke---TA's guide to computer science 承接金……羊(Getsheep) (Fri Feb 27)
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this joke is kinda long, but i figured there are enough cosci TA's in
this mud to make the joke worth reading/posting...
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The Unofficial Manual for Graduate Teaching Assistants Teaching
Introductory Computer Science Courses for Non-majors
LATE HOMEWORK
1.When a student turns in his/her project two weeks late and asks for
full credit, accept the late work and tell them that it will be
awarded full credit. However, do inform them that you will not have
time to grade it until after you complete your Ph.D.
DISRUPTIVE STUDENTS
1.If students will not stop talking when the class period begins,
announce that there will be a quiz the following day on today's
lecture. Then leave.
2.If your students are prone to reading the school paper in class,
try taking out a full page ad in the paper informing them that they
are going to flunk your class.
LECTURES
1.In the event that you are unprepared for a lecture, be sure to use
the class time to stress to the class the importance of keeping up
with the readings. In fact, spend most of the class time stressing
this.
2.When the time comes to lecture on a subject you know nothing about,
the art of controlled digression is invaluable. Here, you try to
incite unrelated questions from the class which you answer at length.
Then at the end of class you scold them for digressing and tell them
they'll just have to get the material from the book.
GRADING
1.Always use a fire engine red felt-tip marker with a 1/2 inch tip to
grade papers. Position your comments strategically so that they spell
"DUMB" when seen from a distance.
2.You may grade assignments however you like. Here is a guide to
quick and easy grading:
20 % Name
20 % Penmanship
50 % Homework is stapled together
10 % The work itself
Warning: Be prepared for a 60% class average.
GRADING ERRORS
1.If student A approaches you complaining that an answer on their
exam was marked incorrect but was marked correct on student B's exam,
promptly mark student B's answer incorrect as well. This will redirect
the heat from you onto student A.
EXTRA CREDIT
1.If students request extra credit to make up for the homework they
didn't turn in, be sure to make the opportunity available to them.
Some good extra credit problems are:
Solve the dining philosophers problem, using semaphores.
Write a C compiler for the Commodore 64.
Translate Moby Dick into ASCII-8 code with a leftmost odd parity
bit.
Design a replacement for the 80486 chip.
Build a File Allocation Table (FAT) out of balsa wood.
2.You may also wish to tell the student that they can do extra credit
work while you decide whether to accept it. When the student turns in
the work, decide against it.
CHEATING
1.When it is obvious to you that several people have copied each
others homework, grade one person's work on a separate sheet of
paper, then photocopy your comments onto everyone else's homework.
2.Should you have very skilled cheaters in your class, try giving
incorrect information during your lectures. This should result in
incorrect answers on exams. Examples that have proven effective at
this technique include:
The three components of a computer system are Larry, Moe, and Curly.
The only possible digits in the binary system are 0, 1, and 2.
The three components of the CPU are the ALU, REGISTERS, and cheap
bathroom lighting fixtures.
The microphone is an output device.
"Booting" the computer involves waving a large magnet over your hard
drive for 60 seconds.
MS-DOS is the operating system for the CRAY Y-MP.
When preparing to purchase a new computer system running Windows,
you should make sure it has at least 128,000 bytes of main memory.
Protocols include saluting your computer and calling the mouse
"sir".
CPU stands for Ceramic Public Urinal.
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